Whether you have practiced boundaries in the past or are totally new to setting boundaries, there is a reason they are so difficult to set and even harder to maintain. But first let’s figure out what boundaries are.

Boundaries are real or invisible limits. A person can have different boundaries depending on the relationship they have with someone. For example, you may be willing to hug a person you know and love while keeping your distance from a stranger. Boundaries are very important yet sometimes difficult to explain, set and keep with others and there is a reason

No one ever modeled healthy boundaries for you as a child.

How would you know what healthy boundaries are, if you never saw someone modeling healthy boundaries? It’s probably not your parents’ fault. Let’s face it, for most older generations, children are not allowed to set boundaries and are required to do as they are told. So this might sound like “Do this because I said so.”

As a child, you got the message that other people’s feelings/needs come before your own.

Yes, this includes your siblings or adults. Perhaps you had to give up a toy, share or leave the room just because your sibling is younger than you or the adults want something.

You internalized the message the adults gave you in order to survive in your family.

If the adults that were responsible for you, told you things had to be a certain way. You most likely did not question this for a very long time, if ever, as a survival mechanism. AKA you were just trying to survive

ready to start? Here are some key steps

Self-awareness and Reflection:

• Take time to reflect on your own needs, values, and priorities. Understand what is important to you and what your limits are. This self-awareness is crucial for setting boundaries that align with your well-being.
• Pay attention to your feelings and emotions. If you feel overwhelmed, stressed, or resentful, it might be a sign that you need to set clearer boundaries. Acknowledge these feelings and use them as cues to reassess your commitments.

Practice Assertiveness:

• Learn to express your thoughts, feelings, and needs assertively, without feeling guilty or anxious. Practice saying “no” when necessary and be firm but respectful in communicating your boundaries.
• Use “I” statements to express your needs and feelings, making it clear that your boundaries are about taking care of yourself, not about rejecting or criticizing others. For example, say, “I need some alone time to recharge” rather than “You’re always asking too much of me.”

Consistent Enforcement:

• Once you’ve set boundaries, it’s essential to consistently enforce them. Be firm in maintaining the limits you’ve established, even if it feels uncomfortable initially.
• Understand that people may push back or test your boundaries, especially if they are used to you always saying yes. Stay firm and calmly reinforce your limits. Consistency will help others understand and respect your boundaries over time.
• Be prepared for the possibility that some individuals may not respond positively to your boundaries. It’s crucial to prioritize your well-being and understand that not everyone will agree with or understand your need for limits.

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